


Lights at Midnight

by MilenaPandora



Category: DBSK | Tohoshinki | TVfXQ | TVXQ, JYJ (Band), Super Junior
Genre: Alternate Universe, High School, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Oldfic, Originally Posted on LiveJournal, RPF, Sexual Situations
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-28
Updated: 2019-11-28
Packaged: 2021-02-26 18:28:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 10,846
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21593095
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MilenaPandora/pseuds/MilenaPandora
Summary: It's always the ones you least expect.(Originally posted on Livejournal in 2008.)
Relationships: Jung Yunho/Park Yoochun, Kim Jaejoong/Kim Junsu (JYJ)
Kudos: 10





	1. Jaejoong

**Author's Note:**

> Series originally posted on milena_1980@livejournal between August 31, 2008 and September 9, 2008 (so yeah, it's hella old, and before their devastating breakup). Dedicated to Em and Chi, who will always be my beloved friends.
> 
> Additional note: Yes, I know. Things were much, much different in 2008, so different it's painful to even think about. The characters herein are based on the people who existed then.

The strings vibrate under your fingers, and you start playing one of the saddest songs you know. You’re sitting alone on the loveseat, ignoring the rest of the world as it ignores you. But you don’t mind—it’s this almost anonymity that allows you to notice what others do not.

Like the way Yunho’s face lights up whenever Yoochun speaks, brown eyes shining with something you’ve wished for yourself way too many times. Your best friend answers in kind; Yoochun, as you well know, has been head over heels for the dancer ever since they met their first year in high school. You will never forget sleepovers and whispered confessions in the dead of night, Yoochun’s voice breaking as he told you his most sacred secret. Now it seems like his wish may just come true.

"Play something happy," Changmin whines at you. You glare at him as he pushes your hand off the strings and the guitar almost falls to the floor. Nevertheless, you comply, starting a new song (the old instrument sounds rather scratchy, but, you surmise, that’s just because the strings are too old).

You start singing at the appropriate moment, your voice clear despite the stereo playing in the next room. Changmin doesn’t seem to mind, though; he joins you, and, soon enough, there are half a dozen people around you, either singing along or just listening. Suddenly, you feel important ( _Is this what Rock stars feel when they’re singing onstage?_ ), the center of attention, the way it should always be.

Everybody claps after you finish, but then requests are coming in from everyone. You play some three more songs, until you decide you've had enough.

Yoochun smiles brightly at you when you come up to him. 

"I'm going outside for a smoke."

In a normal day, he would give you one of his resigned frowns and come along. Today, however, isn't normal, today he has Yunho's full attention (most of the people they had been with earlier have slowly drifted away, until they're nearly alone). Today you are on your own.

Fitting, you think; it's as if everything were reverting back to how it was before you and Yoochun became friends. You were the loner, the one others loved to walk all over. Until Yoochun. He appeared at your school rather unexpectedly, a late transfer in first year of high school. People flocked to him, the popular crowd quickly came over to see if he was made of the right stuff. Yoochun _was_ , you realized, and you ignored him like you ignored everyone else.

One day, you were in the music room, playing the guitar (the Music teacher had a soft spot for you back then), when he appeared. "You have a beautiful voice," he said, and you didn't care. Well, not that you weren't somewhat pleased—music was your absolute passion then, one you couldn't—still can't—indulge in because your parents decided to have too many children and you're not allowed to have a job.

"What are you doing here?" you asked him. He only had to point at the piano, you only had to see the way his eyes shone at its sight, and you just knew.

You snort, thinking you may be romanticizing the beginning of your friendship just a bit. 

The street is eerily quiet, you notice as you walk outside. No cars racing by, no youths walking around, laughing in delightful intoxication (maybe because they're all inside Yoochun's house?). But here you are, sitting at the stairs leading up to the main door and smoking all on your lonesome. 

_Back to being me_ , you think. You're sure it'll be better for Yoochun not to be linked with you in any way. After all, you had a reputation long before he came along (even if such wasn't true until after the rumors began); he, on the other hand, and despite his constant flirting in the school halls, is still pure in so many ways you couldn't begin to count them all.

"Lucky bastard," you mutter.

"Hey. Can you spare a cig?"

You look behind and you're surprised for the second time tonight. Standing there is none other than perfect, virginal Kim Junsu, bumming a cigarette from you. Have you heard right?

"Sure." He sits next to you and puts the white cylinder between his lips, holding it just below expertly when you give him a light. "I thought you didn't smoke."

Junsu shrugs, closing his eyes as he exhales.

"No reason why you'd think otherwise," he replies. He has a pleasant voice, soft, yet strong at the same time. The kind you could listen to all day. ( _Dangerous thoughts_ , you think, you don't need another line on your bedpost.)

You're not much for small talk, so you shut up then. It feels strange to sit like this with someone you never speak to. He moves in a different circle than you, he does sports and has a million other extracurricular activities (you remember he once tried to get you to join some stupid club and you told him to fuck off). He shouldn't be here, he should be inside, with the people he's used to.

"I think it's going to rain," he says suddenly. His fingers are in danger of getting burnt—he lets the cigarette butt fall to the ground before you say anything.

"Feels like it," you agree.

He sighs, shoulders slumped. Kim Junsu never frowns, never cries. Then why does he look like his dog died?

"Want another?" you offer. He accepts.

He's finishing his third smoke when light droplets of rain start falling. You look up automatically: clouds covered the sky when you weren't looking and now threaten to fall on you if you don't find shelter.

Not a second has passed that you've thought that, when the rain falls harder. You can feel as it starts soaking your hair, your shirt, and you get up and run back to the house, as fast as you can.

When you look back, you expect him to be behind you.

He's still sitting, head thrown back, eyes closed to the sky.


	2. Jaejoong

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Are you friends? Are you something more?

He brings you another bottle and you're tempted to ask if he's trying to get you drunk. You don't dare, however; as relatively close as you have gotten to Yunho during the last few weeks, you still don't know where you stand. Are you friends? Are you something more?

You sigh, looking around you. Most of the popular crowd from school is in your house right now, getting plastered and acting like absolute idiots. Your parents won't be back until Wednesday, but they wouldn't mind a party of this nature. They frequently nag at you to go out more often, and, please, with people other than your best friend. You want to tell them to fuck off, that Jaejoong is the best thing that has ever happened to you, but, again, you don't dare.

"Isn't she cute, Yoochun?" one of the guys standing with you says, pointing at one of the girls talking near the kitchen door. She's pretty, wearing a purple dress, her long hair loose and shiny. 

"Very," you agree, though you couldn't care less. Girls make for great friends, but you don't like them, you don't want them, at least not like these guys do.

"Not as pretty as that one over there," Yunho says. Your heart skips a beat as he eyes her, looking her up and down, like she's a piece of meat. Just like his friends do.

"Excuse me," you say, leaving them to ogle and fantasize their hearts out.

It's raining, you realize as you walk into your bedroom and place the bottle of soju on your dresser. Now you can't make them all go away, no matter how much you want to. You're being petty, you know, but you can't help it. Why can't you act normally? _Because you're not like them, idiot_ , you think.

The rain falls heavily, you see as you near your window. The sound and smell alone bring you so many memories, some of when you and your younger brother would walk back from school just to play in the puddles (you knew there would be hell to pay later, no matter how much your mother loved you). In the last few years, though, Jaejoong has replaced your brother in your afternoon escapades. Jaejoong understands you in ways you never thought possible. He's your best friend, though, too bad you can't love him . . .

"Why did you leave?" his voice makes you jump. Yunho closes the door and leans against it, dark eyes trained on you. He looks worried, apologetic? Silly, you think. There's nothing between you, just this sort of unspoken understanding that you like each other (that you love him).

"Bored." It's not a lie. "And I didn't like where the conversation was going."

"Just guys being guys," he shrugs, like it doesn't matter. "I thought we were having fun."

You shrug, leaning back against the window.

"I was," before all of it, you seriously were. "Some things I just don't like talking about, that's all."

He wets his lower lip nervously.

"What, like girls?" His words feel like a challenge rather than plain accusation. Tell me, he seems to be saying, be honest.

Do you dare?

"Yes, like girls."

He didn't expect it, you can tell by the way he jerks back at your admission. Have you been reading him wrong all this time?

"Look, just leave me alone, okay?" you say. "Your friends will start talking if you don't go back."

Yunho shakes his head in denial.

"They don't care," he says, voice sounding softer, unsure. "Or, rather, I don't care."

Your breath hitches, but you don't move. You can only watch him as he comes closer, cornering you.

"What are we going to do about this?" he asks, looking straight into your eyes. "This . . . thing between us?"

"What do you want to do about it?" Now you're the one challenging him, you want him to show you that he's as brave as he pretends to be. He doesn’t disappoint.

The first kiss is hesitant, barely a brush of lips against lips; the second, he presses his lips to yours (his lips are soft and just near wonderful); the third, you have to grab the back of his neck to deepen the kiss.

You've wanted this for so long, nearly since you met him that first day at what was to be your third and last high school in the space of three months. Jung Yunho was popular, handsome, the teachers trusted him enough to show you around.

"Are you interested in sports teams? Or clubs?" he had asked, smiling pleasantly as you followed him along the unfamiliar halls. It was stupid, how could anyone develop a crush in less than five minutes? But you had, and those feelings had developed into something else, something you thought you would never ever have for yourself.

Yet here you are now, after months of knowing glances between you. How did those start, anyway? Was it that afternoon you ran into each other at the nearby mall and you spent hours together before he drove you home? Probably. Most likely. Oh, who cares.

Suddenly, you hear the door burst open and you push Yunho away. Your heart beats hard as you imagine that one of his friends may have seen you, what if he goes and spreads the news and destroys Yunho's life?

"Oops," Jaejoong smirks at the two of you. His hair and clothes are wet and he smells like his brand of cigarettes. "Sorry to interrupt, just came to get my bag."

"It's okay," you assure him. Yunho bites his lower lip, giving you a shy glance.

Jaejoong closes the door as he walks out—locks it for good measure—and then you're alone again. You don't need to exchange another word: Yunho comes closer once again and kisses you.


	3. Changmin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You're drunk, you know this, Kyuhyun knows this, which is why he rolls his eyes at you

"I'm so bored," you complain. You're drunk, you know this, Kyuhyun knows this, which is why he rolls his eyes at you.

"You're such a bad drunk," he says, getting up and pulling at your arm. "Come on. Let's go get something to eat."

"You go." This week was hell with studying for exams—the reason for this party is the end of midterms—and then your parents pressuring you not to let your grades drop. Wasn't this party supposed to be fun and relaxing?

But Kyuhyun needs only give you a _look_ and you're getting up. Man, you are so whipped. 

He leads you through the groups of idiots standing here and there, some talking, some dancing, some making out. You wonder how they would react if you suddenly grabbed Kyuhyun and planted a big one on his delicious lips. You can just picture their shocked faces, eyes and mouths wide open. 

"God, Min, stop giggling. It's creepy." But that only makes you giggle more.

Somehow you make it to the kitchen, where you find a few trays still filled with appetizers, finger food, mostly. You never thought Park Yoochun would live in such a nice house and in this neighborhood, one of the best in town. The place doesn't reek of money, but it's big enough to make you just a little bit jealous. You're surprised Yoochun isn't stuck up. Then again, the guy has never been predictable. That's one of the reasons you like him, you guess: he lives by his own rules and he doesn't care what others say or think.

"I didn’t know you were besotted with Yoochun," Kyuhyun says. Have you been thinking out loud?

"Isn't it true, though?" you ask him, taking every bit of food he offers without protest. "And Jaejoong . . ."

"Isn't the same," Kyuhyun tells you, eyes hard all of a sudden. You don't know what his issue with Jaejoong is and he has never wanted to tell you. Maybe an affair gone wrong? Kyuhyun has had lovers before you, you don't know how many, and it wouldn't surprise you at all if he was one of Jaejoong's many flings.

"Are you sure this is okay?" you hear coming from the hall to your right. The voice sounds familiar.

"I promise, it's fine. I'll just put our clothes in the dryer." Now, that voice you recognize at once. He's one of the reasons you came to the party (aside from Kyuhyun insisting that he didn't want to come alone nor with Donghee and Heechul because they always get him so drunk he can't go home). He adopted you when you started at school a year after him, after he had to save you from bullies more than once. Ah, your savior.

"Well, I like him," you say, sticking your tongue out at your boyfriend. "Besides, he's the reason you and I met."

"Whatever." He opens the fridge and serves you some water.

"Junsu, it's fine."

Ah, you knew you had heard that voice before. Kim Junsu's voice is so . . . unique. It's pleasant and . . . eh, you don't know. You have heard Junsu's own friends tease him about it, about the way he laughs in particular, but he takes it in stride, doesn't even say a justified _Fuck you_ in response. Really, he's way too nice for his own good.

"Come on."

You hear them walk away, so you sneak a glance, only to see them walk through a door. 

"What do you think you're doing?" Kyuhyun asks, pulling at your elbow.

"Why in the world are Jaejoong and Kim Junsu talking to each other?" It's a legitimate question. They couldn't be more different from each other: the school's bad boy vs. the school's model boy.

"Why do you care?" he asks. You shrug. Can't you be curious? Nevertheless, you listen to him, and you pout while he eats some more. He feeds you again—he does that whenever you're alone, such a complete contrast to the tough guy he pretends to be—and you keep opening your mouth, until you realize he's staring at you.

"Let's go find a room or something," he suggests, grabbing your hand. Finally!


	4. Junsu

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's raining harder now, you can hear it fall more violently every second that goes by

It's raining harder now, you can hear it fall more violently every second that goes by. The dryer beeps as your companion pushes some buttons, and then there's only the rain again.

It feels strange to wear someone else's clothes. Sure, you have worn Yunho's clothes frequently, clean t-shirts and shorts, as far back since when you were age seven and you spent the night over just because; even now, his mother keeps a change of clothes ready for you. Inseparable Junsu and Yunho.

Jaejoong shivers, still drying his bare upper body and his hair with a fluffy towel. You're sitting on a chair, wearing his t-shirt and shorts—the shorts are a little tight, but then Jaejoong has always had slim hips. You, on the other hand . . . oh, the jokes about your body.

"The water was cold, wasn't it?" he sounds like he's trying to make light conversation. You don't really feel like talking, but, well, you sort of owe him.

"Yeah," you agree. "Pleasant."

He gapes at you.

"It was nearly freezing!"

You want to say _It was your choice_ , but no, you don't want to seem ungrateful, because you aren't, not really. You just wished . . .

"Why did you come back, anyway?" the question slips out before you can stop it. It's a fair question, though: he didn’t need to run back, he didn't need to grab your arm and pull you back inside.

He seems taken aback, but he only shrugs.

"I don't know. I guess . . . I just didn't want to leave you there."

Figures. You sigh, feeling uncomfortable under his gaze. Kim Jaejoong has never been nice to you despite your few attempts in the past. He has no reason to like you. That you're popular? That you're a "good boy"?

"Seems like your friend Yunho likes my Yoochun," he says, suddenly. When you look up, he's staring at the floor.

"He does," and he means to do something about it tonight. Yunho has liked Yoochun for so long, nearly since meeting him, and now that he knows he has a chance, it's all he talks about. "Yunho likes him a lot."

Jaejoong nods, smiles slightly when he looks up.

"I'm happy for them," he says. Why does he sound so bitter, then?

"You don't sound happy." You don't really feel like talking, but you will, if only to muffle the sound of the rain and the dryer. Jaejoong shrugs again.

Why did you even come? You wanted to stay home and watch TV or something, play video games, do something that could help you forget what you knew would happen tonight. Has Yunho confessed, yet? Neither he nor Yoochun were anywhere to be seen when you came in earlier, so, maybe? The thought of Yunho kissing someone else . . .

No, you don't want to think about it anymore. So you focus on Jaejoong again, on the glistening jewelry adorning his nipple and belly button. Jaejoong is an enigma, dark and anti-social. He doesn't crave popularity, he's happy to stand in the shadows and just observe. Just like he's doing with you right now.

"You don't mind that your best friend is, you know, _that way_?" he asks, suddenly.

"Why should I?" You look straight into his eyes; it takes him bare seconds to read your gaze, and just a few more to recognize the way you keep looking at him. His posture changes, as does the way he looks back. So, he's interested?

"I would have never guessed," he says, visibly surprised. His gaze, however, is teasing. The rumors have never been wrong, you realize, the way he sort of displays himself . . . You shrug.

"It's not like we ever speak," you tell him. You can't stop staring, though, you want him right now (you want a distraction from your stupid thoughts).

"True," he agrees. He doesn't seem to expect it when you get up and walk up to him. You lean back against the washing machine, and he turns to you. Has he always been so beautiful? His skin always so smooth? "Not that you haven't tried."

You have to smile at his words. He has never liked you as long as you can remember.

"But you've always been too good to talk to me," you tease. He grins, stepping closer, until you're only inches apart. He traps you against the washing machine, dark eyes looking straight into yours.

"Or maybe not good enough," he nearly whispers. You stare at his lips, completely enthralled. It feels almost like a dream when he comes closer and then he's kissing you softly. You can't help but close your eyes and let yourself feel. You need this so bad, you want to feel _something_ instead of this emptiness that just won't go away.

He kisses you harder, nearly forcing your mouth open to taste you; you give in, holding on to him.


	5. Yunho

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is new and exciting and you don't want it to ever end

_I'm kissing him,_ you're unable to think anything else. Pathetic, you think, for a guy of your experience—how many girlfriends have you had since you turned thirteen? Despite that, you keep feeling as if you had never kissed before, this is new and exciting and you don't want it to ever end.

He breaks the kiss (his full lips are red and slightly swollen, so perfect you just want to kiss him again), his chest heaving. Yoochun looks happy, you can see it in his gaze. Can he tell just how happy you are, as well?

"Maybe we should go back." It's a reasonable suggestion. How long have you been in his room, anyway? It feels like forever and it probably has been.

"I don't want to," you tell him. You have waited so long to have him in your arms, nearly two years; now you don't want to let go.

It was difficult to dislike him when he first came to your school. Yoochun has always been bright and friendly, and although you have always suspected that his attitude is a kind of mask, you can't help but continue to be attracted to his seemingly easy smiles. You were surprised when he chose to focus on Kim Jaejoong instead of accepting your offer of friendship. However, you needed only to see them together to know that they were kindred spirits.

This last year or so you started talking again, not much, but just enough that you were satisfied. And then your eyes would meet by chance during class or lunch time, more and more frequently as days went by, until you couldn't ignore it anymore. When you saw him while shopping only a few weeks ago and your eyes met, you just _knew_.

Now he's here, right in front of you. You can only watch as he laughs softly, moving to sit on the bed (you don't dare to sit down next to him) before looking up at you.

"Your friends will talk," he says. "I'd rather you don't fall from glory because of me."

Yoochun is right and you know it. You don't want to leave him right now, though (not ever).

"Shit."

He laughs, and you have to stare—you realize you must look like an absolute idiot—until he grins and grabs your hand. His hand is warm, just perfect in yours, and you allow him to pull at your arm until you're sitting next to him. It's strange to sit on a guy's bed when all you can think about is pushing him down and pressing your lips to his (and more, but you know it's too soon, no matter how much you want him).

"The school year is almost over," he breaks the brief silence. "We can wait until we finish school. I mean, if you're still interested then."

"I will be!" you almost want to kick yourself at your impulsivity, but if you can't be honest tonight, when can you? "I mean . . . I don't want to wait. I don't see why we can't just be friends at school. We talk once in a while. It's not like anyone will be surprised."

He purses his lips in thought, his gaze set on your joined hands. Maybe he doesn't want what you want? No, you're being ridiculous: of course he does! Isn't your current location enough evidence?

"You do realize . . ." He stops, bites his lower lip, goes back to staring at your hands. "Jaejoong is my best friend. You'll have to deal with him."

Ah, Kim Jaejoong. The two have been joined at the hip for the last couple of years, you aren't stupid enough to think Yoochun will drop him because of you.

"I know that. He has never really liked me, though, so maybe I'm not the one you need to worry about."

He smiles again and finally looks up. Your gazes meet again (you can only focus on how his eyes shine and how beautiful he is, and, god, are you really this far gone?). He smiles wider, but then he's leaning forward and you meet his lips halfway. Why keep worrying when you can do this?


	6. Changmin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You hold him tighter against you, knowing that he needs this so badly he can barely breathe

You gasp when he bucks his hips forward, his cock hitting you right there. He grunts as he pulls almost all the way out only to push back in, and you have to press your lips together not to moan loudly. You hold him tighter against you, knowing that he needs this so badly he can barely breathe. 

"I love you," you whisper; he moans in answer, moving almost violently against you. The floor is uncomfortable against your bare back, but you don't care; you're too focused on the feeling of Kyuhyun inside you. You can feel his left hand on your thigh, while his other hand moves toward your cock. He's close, so close, you think you could come just thinking that you are the reason he takes his mask off every time you fuck ("You are the only one," he whispered to you once, his eyes so open and vulnerable you almost believed you were looking at a complete stranger). _If only_ , you think, smiling as he strokes you in time with his thrusts.

However, it hits you almost immediately and you can't stop it; you gasp, closing your eyes, unwilling to stop moving against him. He comes just seconds later, mouth open against your bare skin.

"Fuck," he says, pulling out carefully before moving to lie next to you, chest heaving. You love to watch him after sex, his sweaty skin, just how beautiful he looks. He's too good for you (you're still amazed he gave you a second glance), too smart, too handsome, too perfect. It doesn't bother you, though, at least not anymore.

He sighs, staring up at the ceiling. You're in a bedroom, on the floor, and you're certain neither of you is drunk anymore. It's uncomfortable, to say the least, but you don't care, not when you get to be with him.

"What time is it?" he asks, eyes half open. You glance at your watch.

"Way after my curfew." Almost two in the morning, but whatever. You never get into trouble, your parents trust you (or so they insist), so you doubt they'll mind if you get home a few hours too late.

"Shit." Kyuhyun sighs. "I need to get home."

He doesn't move, though. You can't help but frown: you hate seeing him worried and stressed. How is it that not even spending time with you can calm him these days?

"Can't you stay over tonight?" You know you're being horribly selfish, but you miss your time alone together. Just months ago, he would come over every day, he would even stay nights (school work is always the best excuse, and your parents never deny you anything if it'll help make you a better student).

These past few weeks, though . . .

"I can't," he answers. You're surprised when he sits up and starts gathering his clothes. Is he angry?

"I miss you," you admit, sitting up and leaning your head on his shoulder. He sighs, pauses.

"I know. I miss you, too. But Mom . . ."

The words are enough—you hug him from behind, holding him as tightly as you can. You don't expect it when he draws a shaky breath, though, nor when he starts shaking. Is he crying? You don't ask, though; you continue to hold him, until you feel tears fall on your arm and you can't sit still any longer.

He doesn't look up when you kneel before him. Nevertheless, you tip his face up and dry his tear-stained face, looking straight into his eyes. _I love you_ , you try to tell him through your gaze, _I'm here for you and I will never abandon you, no matter what happens._ It seems like he gets the message, you think, for he holds you close and cries, his body shaking with soft sobs.

"Cho Kyuhyun doesn't cry," Heechul told you the day you first saw your now lover. It was the first day of class and Kyuhyun had gotten into his first fight of the semester. The other guy—a tall and burly upperclassman—clearly had the upper hand, even despite Kyuhyun's obvious strength. The last punch had hurt, you knew it did, by the way his head snapped to the left as he closed his eyes. You must have said something (what, you can't remember after so long), for suddenly Heechul was speaking to you.

Kyuhyun was suspended for a few days. When he returned, you couldn't keep your eyes off him. You didn't know why you were so fascinated by him, by his cold demeanor and his fierce gaze. He never spared you a glance, though, you were invisible, like most everyone around him.

"Stop staring at him," Jaejoong scolded you one day. You were sitting together at the library, Yoochun was nowhere to be found, and the object of your curiosity was sitting only a few tables away. "Didn't your parents teach you manners?"

You had wanted to deny that you were doing anything of the sort, but Jaejoong needed only to raise an eyebrow and you had to spill your guts. The bastard had the gall to laugh at you.

"You're crushing on him?" There were so many rumors about Jaejoong back then, but you were almost sure they were all true (even now, whenever you see him leave with one of those guys he hangs out with, you _know_ ). Which meant, of course, that he was experienced and your hyung and therefore had the obligation to play matchmaker.

_Hyung!_ you protested when he dragged you over to Kyuhyun's table. The librarian was glaring at you, though, so you allowed Jaejoong to push you down on a chair. Kyuhyun looked up immediately, raising his brow at your sight. Now that you were so close, you could see how beautiful he was; you knew you would never leave him. Just like right now.

He breathes deeply, trying to control the tears. You stroke his hair, keeping him close, hoping he feels safe (even though you're both naked in a strange house) and loved.

"I'm sorry," he says (as if he was to blame). "You shouldn't have to go through this shit with me."

You don't tell him that you want to be there for him, that you can't understand his pain, but you're here nonetheless.

"Is she alone tonight?" you ask instead. He shakes his head, sniffling.

"Dad's home. And my sister. She insisted I go out tonight." He sighs. "I keep thinking she'll die while I'm away. She has been fighting this thing for so long. I didn't think it would kill her so fast."

Kyuhyun's mother is now in agonizing pain, in the last stages of lung cancer. You have met her only a few times, and you definitely weren't ready for the sight of her, frail, pale, lying in bed with a tank of oxygen right next to her. How must it be for her own family? Unbearable, surely . . .

Kyuhyun surprises you by slipping his arms around your waist, a resigned sigh on his lips.

"I need you," he whispers against your skin. You close your eyes and let him hold on to you. 

You need him just the same.


	7. Jaejoong

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Suddenly, he stops

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This chapter has content that may be disturbing for some.

The house is less crowded, you notice as you grab a bottle from a cooler. Only a few people are left, mostly the kids that live nearby, and some others whose parents don't mind if they get home late (or not at all, such as is the case with you). A few couples sit around (the one occupying the sofa scurry away at your glare; you must laugh at them as you sit) shaming themselves with almost disgusting displays of affection. Honestly, don't they know some things are supposed to be _private?_

Your thoughts take you back to just a few minutes ago, when you were kneeling on the floor, sucking off one of the most attractive guys you've ever known. Virginal Junsu was just that: painfully inexperienced. You're surprised, in all honesty—don't girls chase him almost as much as they do Jung Yunho? He isn't bad at kissing, though; no, he has a wonderfully sweet mouth. You would have liked to explore him further, but he acted strangely afterwards (he slumped against the washing machine, skin flushed, mouth still open as he regained his breath), unable to look you in the eye. And you had put on such a nice show for him, too (he couldn't take his eyes off you when you knelt back and brought yourself to orgasm). Bah, it's not like you care, anyway. Another name for your endless list.

Yoochun and Jung Yunho are still in the bedroom, as far as you can see. Yoochun seemed so happy when you saw them together, you could see it in his eyes. _About time_ , you think (even though your heart is crushed, but then, no one ever told you to like the same guy as your best friend, really, how pathetic can you get?).

"Jaejoong!" You don't need to look to know who is talking to you. Heechul sounds and looks drunk, dark hair mussed, brown eyes brighter. Honestly, isn't he supposed to be your age? Sometimes he acts like such a child.

He sits next to you and puts his arms around you (the act reminds you of days not so long ago when you were more than just friendly with each other).

"I've missed you," he says. "Where have you been all night?"

"Busy," you answer, patting his arm. "Where did you leave your friends?"

He whines, leaning his head on your shoulder.

"Kyuhyun and his boy disappeared on me a while ago," he complains. "Horny little bastards." Hmm, interesting piece of blackmail material. "And Donghee's mad at me." Now, that catches your attention.

"Why? He pretty much worships you." It's almost disgusting. Shin Donghee, class clown and overall nice guy, caught Heechul's attention last year and since then it's rare to see one without the other. Unfortunately for Donghee (and for everyone watching), however, Heechul takes advantage of him, and Donghee does whatever he's asked (you still remember the few times he let the two of you use his bedroom back when you were "going out").

"I think he's ashamed of me," he continues, voice serious. "Am I really that obvious?"

Hmm, this is interesting.

"Ashamed why? And obvious how? Everyone knows you're a queen, except for those few girls who still hope." Well, that's not entirely true, at least the part about everyone knowing he's a queen. He's eccentric, more like. Well, unless they see him hanging all over you like right now.

"Was I such a bad boyfriend to you?" Whoa, is he saying what you think he's saying? 

"Uh, I wouldn't really call us _boyfriends_." Fuck buddies more like. Friends with benefits?

"Well, yeah. What I mean is . . . our friends knew about us. I would have never denied you, not with them." Ah, well, that was true. "And I'm not a flaming queen, am I?"

You're tempted to say _Not all of the time_ , but it's untrue and he seems rather vulnerable right now. 

"You're not," you say instead. "Heechul, are you and Donghee fucking?"

He makes an annoyingly whiny sound, hiding his face on your chest (he's almost sitting on your lap and you would hate it if you had to deal with a jealous boyfriend right now).

"I'm an idiot," he says. "And he hates me."

"I would, too, if you treated me the way you treat him."

Heechul looks up, gazing into your eyes.

"I've been a prick to him, haven't I?" he asks softly. You nod. Unfortunately, you're treated to another whiny moan. Why do your friends have to act like idiots when drunk?

"Worse." Nobody said you had to help in a good way . . .

"Heechul." You look up and there he is, Heechul's new beau in all his glory. Hmm, maybe it's because of the fierce jealousy in his eyes, but he looks so attractive right now. Why hadn't you noticed before? (Probably because you don't normally pay attention to chubby guys, no one usually does. Except for Heechul, apparently.)

Heechul doesn't release you. You roll your eyes, shaking your head at Donghee.

"Are you still mad at me?" the boy against you asks, raising his voice enough to be heard.

Donghee exhales.

"I'm not mad at you," he says. "It's late and we should get home. We can talk about it then."

You hear a happy gasp and then Heechul is getting up (he falls back down, but manages on the second try) and hugging Donghee. You don't know whether to "aww" or gag, especially when Donghee puts his arms around him and closes his eyes in obvious relief. So, they're serious about each other? Who would have thought?

They both say goodbye and walk away, Heechul hanging off Donghee, but only because he's too drunk to walk on his own.

Alone again. Is it still raining? You feel like going out for a smoke, but you've had enough of the freezing rain for tonight.

"Hey, Yunho, where have you been?"

Ah, there he is, walking up to a friend of his. He looks flushed, definitely happy, unable to suppress his smile.

"Nah, I'm staying for a little while," he says. His friend says goodbye and leaves. Yunho looks around, but then your eyes meet. If you had known before, you would have gone after him, no question about it, and no consideration for Yoochun, either. You would have made sure he didn't find out about it, though. Even now, if Yunho showed any interest . . .

Okay, time to go elsewhere.

You pass by him, but you don't speak to him. You throw your empty bottle in the trash bin, and keep on walking. Maybe there won't be anyone on the terrace and you can have a smoke without any interruptions.

Yoochun's parents are redoing the terrace and fixing up the backyard. It's looking nice, but the roof's unfinished and nearly all the furniture there is wet. You sigh, searching for a dry chair. It's too cold to sit out, though. Maybe you could go to the bathroom over there? Stupid rain.

The door opens easily, but the light's on, and there's someone in there. You're about to apologize, when you recognize his hair. Why is he sitting on the . . .?

You notice the blood before you notice his slumped shoulders and his bowed head. The razor moves down, cutting along the vein, no hesitation. Your voice catches at your throat; you can only watch in morbid fascination. _So that's what it looks like._

Suddenly, he stops, the small blade rests against his skin. Blood seeps from the wound rapidly . . . he must have cut in deeper than you thought.

Somehow, you manage to react: you walk in quietly, until you're right in front of him; you take the blade from his hand and put it away. He looks up, surprise in his gaze.

"What are you doing?" you ask softly. He only gazes back.


	8. Yunho

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some of your friends were convinced he had his eye on you

Kim Jaejoong walks by you and you can only stare at his back as he walks away. Not too long ago, you remember, some of your friends were convinced he had his eye on you. As flattering as it was to think about, you knew you would never be able to be with him—he's Yoochun's best friend, he would always be a reminder of what you couldn't have. Now you're glad you chose to stay away from Jaejoong—you doubt Yoochun would have appreciated finding out about it.

You sigh, looking around for something to do, someone to talk to. Yoochun's still in the bedroom, waiting for a few more minutes before coming back to the party. You wanted to stay in the room, the others could show themselves out, but Yoochun only laughed, eyes shining with amusement and something else.

"I'll see you in a few minutes," he promised. You had to let go.

"Oppa." A girl speaks and you turn to her. You're almost sure she's a second year, one of the most popular on account of her looks and charisma (the type of girl you usually go for). You have spoken to her a few times, but you have never been interested enough to ask her out.

"Hi," you reply, smiling at her. She smiles flirtatiously.

"I thought maybe you'd like to walk home together," she says. You're surprised, though you don't know why. How do you say no?

"Um, I'm not leaving yet," you tell her, making sure your gaze conveys that you're not interested. She seems taken aback, smiles tightly and says goodbye. Well, that went well (you doubt that she'll tell her friends, so your reputation should be safe, not that you care that much about it anymore; you'd rather lose your reputation than Yoochun).

"Hey." His voice surprises you, but you're glad that he has finally come out. Yoochun looks somewhat nervous as he looks around. "Most everyone's gone. Help me clean up?"

You nod and follow him into the kitchen. Some minutes later, each of you holding a trash bag, you follow him around the house. He wakes up someone sleeping in the family room and asks if he needs a ride home (you don't recognize the guy, but Yoochun seems familiar with him). Yoochun lets him sleep and you go on, cleaning up throughout the different rooms.

"Wonder where Jaejoong is," he says when you go into the living room. You grab a few empty bottles, remembering the last time you saw him.

"He was here a while ago," you reply. "I think he went into the hall."

"Ah." Yoochun smiles at you and you feel your knees buckle. Then he furrows his brow. "Didn't Kim Junsu come along with you?"

"Yeah. I'm supposed to stay over at his place, so he can't have left, yet." You frown, looking around. He wasn't in any of the rooms you went through, and you know he wouldn't just leave without you, not without telling you first. Now that you think about it, he was acting strange earlier.

"Is he always that quiet?" Yoochun asks, sitting on the sofa and gesturing for you to sit beside him. You comply.

"Junsu? Yeah." For as long as you have known him. You have been friends since elementary school, always together in sports and clubs. Junsu's like the brother you never had, you love him just as much and your family adores him (sometimes you think your mother would prefer to have him as a son instead).

"Interesting," he says. You arch an eyebrow at him. "He's popular and a good student. I thought he was more . . . sociable, I guess."

You shrug.

"He used to be," you say, thinking back on years past. "He's really busy these days, though. I had to convince him to come along tonight."

"Oh? Not a hard partier like you?" he asks, voice slightly deeper. His gaze lets you know that he has heard all the rumors, most of which are true.

"Junsu doesn't drink," that should be answer enough. "And he dates, just not as much as I do."

He laughs softly (you realize that you love the way he laughs, the way his eyes close and his Adam's apple bobs; you would kiss his throat right now if you could).

"I think you and Jaejoong have more in common than you think," he says, grinning. You want to be insulted, but all you know is rumors and you're too curious not to ask.

"What do you mean?"

Yoochun shrugs—he settles more comfortably on the sofa, turning to face you—brow furrowed in thought.

"Well, I guess Jaejoong's more like Junsu in that he's quiet, he doesn't really talk unless he has something important to say." He sighs. "But, yeah, the partying, going out with too many people . . . Yeah, I'd say that sounds a bit like you, don't you think?"

You want to deny such a thing, but, really, it couldn't be more true. Are you different because you go out with girls and he with guys?

"I guess," you reply.

He smiles at you, still somewhat amused. There's something else in his eyes, and you're drawn in; you can only move until you're close enough to kiss him.

"Someone will see," he reminds you, but he doesn't push you away. You gaze at him, into his eyes, at his delicious lips . . . 

"I don't care." You press your lips to his and let go. To hell with the rest of the world.


	9. Junsu

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You couldn't, no matter how much you wanted to

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This chapter has content that may be disturbing for some.

The moistened towel stings, but you don't mind. His touch is gentle as he holds your arm steady, his larger hands cleaning the wound carefully. You thought you had cut in too deep; once the blood is cleared, you realize that you didn't (you couldn't, no matter how much you wanted to).

"Let me clean this up," he said just minutes after finding you. You were still in that amazing high cutting gives you, the pain still so intense you could barely understand his words. You're still up there right now, each touch from him makes you feel like you're going higher and higher, until there's nothing.

"Do you want to talk about it?" he asks (he's applying some kind of an antibiotic, gaze fixed on your wrist). You don't want to talk—you don't want to think—so you don't. He looks at you briefly, catching your gaze. Maybe he thinks eye contact will make you react?

"Okay," he says, as if giving up. He swallows and you watch him, his face, his lips, those lips . . . You can remember how they felt on your own, on your skin, around you. For a moment, he was beyond perfect, he felt so incredible. You don't know when it changed: what you did suddenly disgusted you and you couldn't look at him anymore. He seemed bewildered when you turned your face away when he tried to kiss you again, disappointed, even. You were sure he would never want to speak to you again. 

Yet, here he is, sitting on the floor, patching you up.

"Most everyone's already gone," he says conversationally. "I saw Yunho a few minutes ago."

You almost ask whether he was alone, if he was leaving. Then again, he's staying over at your house, so you know he won't leave without you.

"I'm surprised Yoochun wasn't with him, since they're together now. I think."

Your heart skips a beat, and the bit of calm you still had disappears entirely.

"You're my brother," Yunho has told you more than once, then he'll hug you and all the while you'll be bursting to tell him that your love for him far exceeds that of a brother. You never do, though; you'll smile and hug back and that's all.

He must be happy right now. Jaejoong's words confirm your fears and there's nothing else to do. You wish you were alone right now just so you could grab the razor and make the pain go away. You know Jaejoong won't leave you, though, not alone and certainly not with the razor. Why is he even here?

"I'm losing my best friend to your best friend, isn't that funny?" Hilarious. You want to roll your eyes, but you don't feel like moving. Instead, you continue to watch him. His hands are steady as he works on your cut, yet there's something about him . . .

"I was already sick of Yoochun pining over him, you know?" Does he even realize he's babbling? "Yunho this, Yunho that. So sick of Yunho."

You suddenly want to hit him. Yunho is your best friend—the boy you love. He deserves some respect.

"And the girlfriends, his friends. Yoochun didn't stand a chance." He shakes his head. "Now look at them. Fuck."

He bandages your arm (did you really cut so much?), makes sure it's perfect. He lets your arm go soon enough and leans back against the tub. Why does he look so sad? This isn't the same Jaejoong you talked to a while ago . . .

"Yunho had me sick of your friend, too," you speak without really meaning to. "Yoochun is all he ever talks about."

His head snaps up and he looks at you, surprised, maybe? You don't look away, though; it's his own fault you're talking about this.

"He has eyes for no one else," you continue. "Even his girlfriends . . . He was looking for someone to make him forget. Yunho doesn’t want to be a fag any more than you or me . . ."

"Speak for yourself," he says defiantly. "I'm perfectly happy the way I am."

You roll your eyes.

"Right, and that's why the whole world knows you have a million lovers and that your parents hate your guts . . ."

"Fuck you!" He's glaring at you and you have to smile. You have broken through quiet, stoic Kim Jaejoong and it feels damn good. "What the fuck do you know?" he continues after taking a deep breath.

 _Enough_ , you think, but you bite your lip. You don't feel like having a heart to heart with this guy. You just want to disappear, go somewhere so far away no one will ever find you (where no one expects too much, where you don't have to hide behind a stupid smile; a place where Yunho isn't the center of your life).

"Perfect Kim Junsu," he sneers. "Do they know you cut? Does your Yunho know? Does he know you fucked my mouth and loved it?" He snorts, glaring. "Probably not. You're just a coward, too afraid to say what you really think, teacher's pet . . ."

"Shut up." You look into his eyes, unable to listen any longer. Who is this guy to judge you? He's a nobody, someone who has repeatedly mistreated you for no reason other than you exist. Everyone knows he's a disaster even in his own home. Kim Jaejoong, the fag who pretends he's anything more than that. "You hide behind this bad boy image, and guess what, Jaejoong? You look pathetic, you _are_ pathetic."

"I'm not the one hiding in the fucking bathroom trying to kill myself . . ."

"I wasn't trying to kill myself!" you nearly shout, his words making you so angry you can barely breathe. Something sparks in his eyes, though, and, suddenly, you realize . . .

"What were you doing, then?" he asks softly, sight never wavering.

What to say? You don't want to tell him, you don't want to talk about it. He may have helped you, but you don't owe him anything, you didn't ask him to barge in and try to fix what he doesn't understand. 

"Mind your own business," you say finally. He doesn't look away, though, gaze sharp and curious.

Why won't he just go away?

You sit in silence, the only sound the rain still falling outside. It's comfortable, in a way (probably because you finally got him to shut up), just sitting here, gazing nowhere. Nevertheless, silence never lasts very long.

"Earlier," he says, suddenly, "did I do something wrong?"

"Earlier when?" You feel a mild rush of satisfaction when he looks frustrated.

"Don't be a jerk," he says softly. "You looked upset."

You sigh. Should you tell him? 

"It felt wrong," you say.

He gives you a strange look.

"I've never had a guy say that to me before," he says, mouth twisting sourly. His expression is full of sadness, though, and something else. Maybe regret? He laughs. "Talk about a blow to the ego."

"It's not because of you," you rush to assure him, though you don't know why. This is not about him. Nevertheless, you keep searching inside yourself for the reason, any reason. Didn't you want him? Wasn't that the reason why you went up to him, hoping he would kiss you?

"It's all right," he says, shrugging. He sighs, staring at the floor. "I should be getting back anyway, help Yoochun clean up." He wrinkles his nose. "Wait, what if they're sucking face out there?"

You wish he would stop talking about Yunho. _Yunho, Yunho, Yunho_ , he invades your thoughts, and love and pain clutch at your heart. Why did you have to fall for your best friend? If only he loved you back, if only he could see that you would always be there for him . . . 

Shit.

"I'm the one who's pathetic," you say; you need to speak or else you think you will burst. "I'm in love with Yunho." You roll your eyes, feeling stupid, but suddenly glad—you have never told anyone, and now . . . "Isn't it ridiculous? He's my best friend, he thinks of me as a brother. But I still hoped."

Tears fall and you grunt in frustration. It feels like every negative thought or emotion that has been plaguing you the last couple of years have decided to gang up on you tonight and you can barely stand it. You have everything: a wonderful family, friends, you're a good student, you're talented at sports; your family isn't wealthy, but you have always had everything you needed. Then why? Why the hell do you keep feeling this way? So what if people put pressure on you? It's not more than you put on yourself. You want to be normal, you don't want to be this mess of a human being anymore.

Suddenly, you feel his hands on your face and he's drying away the tears. He's looking at you, you see as soon as you look up, eyes full of compassion, of understanding. Can he understand what you're going through, though?

"You're not pathetic," he tells you softly, cupping your face in his slightly callused hands. "You can't help how you feel about him." He smiles slightly. "Want to know my secret?"

You snort softly, laughing despite yourself, and nod.

"I've had a crush on Yunho for ages," he admits. The confession takes you by surprise. Jaejoong? On Yunho? "I even thought about trying to get his attention, but then Yoochun told me that he liked him, too." He shrugs, arms falling to his sides. "Yoochun doesn't know."

You exhale, a strange sense of relief briefly eclipsing everything else. Isn't it silly, both of you sitting on a bathroom floor, confessing your love for the same guy?

"I'm sure it's very difficult for you," he continues. "And I know that this (he points at your wrist) is much more than just Yunho." He holds your hand and looks into your eyes. "I just . . . If you need to talk about it, I'll listen. And I'll never tell anyone."

You can only stare at him, unable to understand . . .

"Why do you care?" You're afraid you'll start crying again, but, really, what does it matter? Didn't he see you at your worst just now?

He gives you a wry smile as he reaches to unclasp the leather bracelet he always wears around his left wrist. When he shows you, you gasp at the dozens of white scars all over the pale skin. His gaze is full of a darkness you hadn't noticed before, and you realize that your connection is much more intimate than you had thought.

"Look familiar?"


	10. Yoochun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aren't you lucky?

The house is empty, you're sure of it. You have checked every room—well, except for your brother's, which is currently occupied; Yoohwan will kill you if he finds out you let two guys use his room. Yunho helped you clean up; you even teased him about finishing off one of the food trays in the kitchen. He only scowled and claimed he was hungry. Ah, he's just too cute, and fun to tease. Hmm, you're really liking finding out little things about him, the things that make him Yunho instead of the things he shows the world. Aren't you lucky?

Anyway, now you can finally rest.

Yunho's sitting on the sofa and he smiles at you as you return to his side. You nearly melt and you know you're grinning like an idiot, but you don't really care, not when he holds you closer and kisses you. Again. You can imagine Jaejoong gagging at the sight of you melting into the embrace (not that you care, Jaejoong can go fuck himself). You don't want to move away, though, you want to stay like this forever.

He lets go and looks into your eyes.

"I really should be leaving soon," he says, long fingers stroking your throat. Somehow, you stop yourself from pouting childishly (how can he make you want to behave like this?).

"Why?" you ask. "You can stay over. Jaejoong and Junsu can share my parents' bed."

He grins and you just know what he's thinking—heck, you want it, too. Though you would be happy enough to just sleep close to him for one night. Eh, why must you be so sappy? 

The grin turns into a frown too quickly, though.

"If they ever come back," he says. "I'm really getting worried about Junsu."

"Want to go look again?" you ask. Yunho and Junsu have always been a dynamic duo of sorts: you must laugh at the image of Jung Yunho, the super student council president, and Kim Junsu, his vice-president and loyal sidekick. Maybe now you can get to know Junsu, too . . .

"Look for what?" You look at the doorway and Jaejoong walks in, hands in his pockets. He smirks at you, the bastard. Oh, he is so going to get it later if he dares to say anything . . .

"Junsu!" Yunho says. Junsu smiles at him, coming in behind Jaejoong. There's something strange about him, though, something somber. "Where have you been? I thought you had gone home."

Junsu looks affronted at once.

"You know I would never do that," he replies, scowling. "Unlike _someone_ I know." He glares for good measure.

"Junsu." Yunho gives him a look that says _Shut up or I'll kill you_. Hmm, that's interesting.

"And, he was with me," Jaejoong answered the first question, sitting on the loveseat and pulling Junsu to sit with him. Eh? Now, this is completely unexpected. Are they _together_? "Not that it's any of your business."

"Jaejoong," you stop him. He has never liked Yunho, though you can't imagine why. Maybe because they're on opposite sides of the social spectrum? Ah, if only you could forget all the times he has teased you about your crush. You're in for it now . . . though this _thing_ with Junsu may just give you all the leverage you need.

When you look at Yunho, he's staring at them, jaw open. Oh, didn't he know about Junsu?

"Junsu! You and . . ." he starts, but your best friend cuts him off.

"You have a problem with that?" Jaejoong asks, narrowing his eyes. He suddenly holds Junsu's jaw and kisses him. You have to laugh when Junsu pushes him away half-heartedly, blushing.

"Jaejoong!" he says, staring down. He chances a glance at his best friend, but Yunho looks traumatized.

"Aww, you're no fun," Jaejoong teases. It's strange to see him act so comfortably around these guys. He's usually so quiet around other people, and now . . . When did he and Kim Junsu . . . ? "So, anyone left or can we close house for the night?"

"Morning," you reply. "And we have two more guests in Yoohwan's room."

As expected, your best friend bursts out laughing.

"He's going to kill you."

"Not if he doesn't find out." You glare at him. He pretends to think.

"Hmm, to tell Yoohwan or not to tell him . . . Honestly Yoochunnie, I'm not that strong-willed."

"No, you're just an asshole," Junsu deadpans. Jaejoong looks horribly affronted and you have to laugh. Few people can go against him and now this guy, who's supposed to be so perfect, so pure . . . 

"You know you love me," Jaejoong replies, smirking. Junsu snorts, glancing briefly at Yunho before looking away again, but Yunho looks serious. Is he glaring at your best friend? He looks away as soon as Jaejoong answers his gaze.

"Kyuhyun," Yunho says, suddenly. Ah, there are the two last guests, holding hands as they walk together.

"Yunho hyung," Kyuhyun replies. He looks sad, and you're surprised: he has never been very expressive, not even after he told you about his mother's illness. Has he really changed so much since getting together with Changmin? "We're the last ones?"

"Yup," Jaejoong answers, smirking. You frown: Jaejoong always does his best to get on Kyuhyun's nerves. Really, you would think your best friend would get over getting dumped. It was even his own fault: he should have hidden his affair with that second year better. "You sure took a long time in there."

Kyuhyun just flips him off.

"Uh, Hyung, do you mind if we spend the night?" Changmin asks you directly. He's the total opposite of Kyuhyun, so formal, so polite (so innocent). You're so glad you managed to convince your best friend not to go after him. "It's raining hard again and . . . "

"Of course," you answer, smiling at him. "You're all welcome to stay."

Jaejoong slides his arm around Junsu's shoulders.

"Ah, the advantages of having no parents for a few days." He looks at Junsu. "Want to go choose a bed?"

"With you?" Junsu replied, scoffing. Oh, shit. These two really like each other.

"Yeah, sure. You really think Yunho here will leave dear Chunnie?" and he makes kissy noises at you. You throw a sofa pillow at him, but he only laughs as he deflects it. He stands up and holds out his hand for the other teen. To your surprise, Junsu accepts it (he seems to hesitate, but then he holds on, tightly). "See you guys in the afternoon." And they leave, hands clasped together (as if that was the way they should be).

Soon enough, Changmin and Kyuhyun leave as well, the latter nearly falling asleep on his feet, head resting against his lover's shoulder. 

"We should be going to sleep, too," you suggest. You're nervous, suddenly. You wouldn't mind going past kisses, but still . . . Ah, isn't it too soon to be thinking about things like that, anyway?

When you look at him, however, you notice he's frowning at the floor.

"Hey, what is it?" you ask, touching the side of his face. He looks at you, trying to smile but failing.

"Nothing," he lies. "Just tired."

You hate it when people lie to you. You think back to when his attitude changed. Ah, wasn't it when Jaejoong and Junsu came back together?

"Are you upset over Jaejoong and Junsu?" you ask directly. There's no point in beating around the bush, and you're too tired for guessing games.

He looks up immediately. Ah, right on target. Yunho swallows hard, combing his hair back with long fingers.

"Junsu . . . He hasn't been okay for a while," he says, sadly. "When you asked about him being quiet . . ." He shrugs. Depression? Like Jaejoong?

"Are you worried that Jaejoong will take advantage of him?" His expression tells you all you need to know. You sigh and lean closer to kiss his lips. "Trust me, Jaejoong won't."

He doesn't look convinced, but at this point you don't really care. You stand up and stretch, then take his hand, pulling at his arm so he'll get up.

"Come on, let's go sleep," you tell him. "You can ask him after he wakes up."

Yunho smiles now and does as asked, following you back to your bedroom. When you walk by your parents' room, you realize the door is partially open and you hear your best friend laughing softly. They seem all right; you're sure they are.

Once in your room, you offer Yunho some pajama bottoms and then you go to bed. He just holds you close, shy at first, but then you find you can lean your head against his shoulder. Yunho is really too sweet.

"Good night," he whispers into your hair.

"Good night." 

And you dream.


End file.
